Friday, May 7, 2010

Primary Children's Memorial and the Discussion Panel

I have volunteered to be on a discussion panel the day before the memorial at the hospital this year. This is a new thing for them. There are about 4 of us on this panel to talk to the parents that have recently lost a child this year. Each of us lost our child 2 or more years ago. I've been thinking about what i would like these parent to know. i hope I can prepare them for things they may not expect and give them some peace.
Things I hope are discussed are:
1. What to say when you hear, "How many kids do you have?" So far, my favorite answer is "2 + an angel." That would be good to hear some other ideas too.
2. How to handle angel days, birthdays and Christmas. First, there is what to expect from others. Really, you shouldn't EXPECT anything from anybody unless you tell them exactly what you want. Send an e-mail or something to say, "My angel's b-day is coming up. I would really appreciate it if everybody..." Then let them know what you want: sent you a card, leave you alone, meet you somewhere for a service project or activity, etc.
Next is you. I would recommend doing something to honor your child on those days, the hard part is figuring out exactly what that should be.
3. Grieving and the process. I don't think grieving is a 24/7 ordeal. Grieving moments is more like it. Have a moment then keep going. Make sure to actually stop and have a moment though.
4. Mostly, Life is for living; it is for THE living. Life has so much to offer and everyday we make the decision to make the most of our day or not. You always have your agency. Choose how you want you life to be from this day on. Honor your child; live well.


Melissa said...

Good Luck Shannon! What a special opportunity you have been given to help these families during the worst time of their lives. I hope that it doesn't take it's toll on you. It can be quite emotional bringing all these feeling back tot he surface again. Best of Luck!

Emily@Little Forever Family said...

These are great ideas and tips. And I second everything you have said. I do not think you ever stop missing your angel, but I agree that I do not grieve 24/7 365 days a year. It is all about the moments! Good luck with this!! You will be wonderful!