Monday, June 20, 2011

This post was meant for the family blog, and is moved over there now. oops.

Monday, May 10, 2010


Are the posts on this blog still being e-mailed to people? I don't mind if people come to the blog and see what I post, but I don't mean to be throwing it in everyone's face still. I guess I don't totally understand how people comment on my posts right after I write them. Does that mean you're following my blog? I don't mind if you do, I was just wondering.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Primary Children's Memorial and the Discussion Panel

I have volunteered to be on a discussion panel the day before the memorial at the hospital this year. This is a new thing for them. There are about 4 of us on this panel to talk to the parents that have recently lost a child this year. Each of us lost our child 2 or more years ago. I've been thinking about what i would like these parent to know. i hope I can prepare them for things they may not expect and give them some peace.
Things I hope are discussed are:
1. What to say when you hear, "How many kids do you have?" So far, my favorite answer is "2 + an angel." That would be good to hear some other ideas too.
2. How to handle angel days, birthdays and Christmas. First, there is what to expect from others. Really, you shouldn't EXPECT anything from anybody unless you tell them exactly what you want. Send an e-mail or something to say, "My angel's b-day is coming up. I would really appreciate it if everybody..." Then let them know what you want: sent you a card, leave you alone, meet you somewhere for a service project or activity, etc.
Next is you. I would recommend doing something to honor your child on those days, the hard part is figuring out exactly what that should be.
3. Grieving and the process. I don't think grieving is a 24/7 ordeal. Grieving moments is more like it. Have a moment then keep going. Make sure to actually stop and have a moment though.
4. Mostly, Life is for living; it is for THE living. Life has so much to offer and everyday we make the decision to make the most of our day or not. You always have your agency. Choose how you want you life to be from this day on. Honor your child; live well.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Charlie's First Angel Day

I wanted to get out of town during that time. I'm not sure why, it just seemed like a good idea. I guess it was so I wouldn't have any expectations for that day. Anyway, the Monday before we left I took Charlie's photo album with our family to the cemetary. We left flowers, looked at pictures, and Aubrey ran around. I felt kind of useless; there's nothing left for me to do for him anymore, and anything I do now is really for me, not him. We didn't stay very long.

On Wednesday that week, we left for Vegas. Friday was his actual angel day. That day we went to a petting zoo, and went swimming at our hotel. I really didn't think much about that anniversary all day long. Until we met someone at the petting zoo that asked if Aubrey was my only child. I mentioned Charlie, and Seth and I realized for that brief moment what day it was. The moment passed, and it wasn't a big deal.

I'm putting a lot of focus now on getting the baby's room ready for baby Sam. I just found out that I never cleaned out the car seat from the last time Charlie was in it! There is throw-up over a year old in there, left from the day he died!!! I don't know if I can do this one. It's all dried, and not as gross as it sounds, but its just doing it. I never got around to it before and I still don't want to. I guess I still have 5-6 weeks to get up to doing it.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Memorial Tribute at Primary Children's

Primary Children's held a memorial tribute for all their patients who have passed away this past year. I was happy to see a couple familiar faces there like Jessica from IHH and Lilly the Music Therapist. They presented some nice musical numbers, poems and other thoughts. There was also a video with a picture of each child, their name, and a brief sentence about them. It was nice to have a moment to just let myself cry; something that I don't do very much anymore. When it was over, a bagpiper excorted the families out to the patio. I hate bagpipes. Anyway, they gave us seeds for forget-me-nots, a free cd, and of course, tissues. Out on the patio there were ribbons for us to write our child's name on and a message to them. Then we tied them to the memory wall. It was a nice tribute, and I'm so grateful to the hospital for being so thoughtful. I think it was helpful for Aubrey too. Aubrey really wanted to go to the playroom, and still remembered exactly how to get there; she was so disapointed when I told her we were going to the park instead! Sad!

More on the "unavoidable question"

I've decided that it is perfectly socially acceptable to give condolences when you've learned of someone passing away. So, I should not be surprised or uncomfortable when someone does that. Really, that is the only hard part is figuring out what to say when someone says, "i'm so sorry for your loss."
I've decided that something possitive in response is nice. For example, "Thank you. I actually loved being Charlie's mother, and we were so happy to have the time that we had with him." I could make this shorter or longer or slightly different, depending on who I'm talking to, but I think that's the idea I'm gonna go with for now.

How are the Hossfields doing?

We are all doing just great! We are expecting a healthy baby boy around August 25th. We've already named him Samuel David. As for updates on our family, I am going to be more diligent at posting on our family blog. You can get to it from this blog by clicking on "family blog". I would like to use this blog to continue to explore my thoughts and feelings on our experience having Charlie and also since his passing. Thanks for keeping in touch!